Monday, January 31, 2011

My Sun Stand Still Pray

Our church has being focusing on learning how to seek More! It has been an amazing series of sermons trying to encourage us to live the amazing lives God has planned for us and not settling for being mediocre. One sermon has really stood out to me, and has continued to come to my mind as I walk through my regular daily life. Pastor Pete asked have you ever been brave enough to ask God for a miracle in your life? He went on to talk about most were not brave enough to really ask God for miracles or their heart desires. I found that intresting since I could answer yes I have prayed for a miracle in my life. I have stood at the throne and begged God to make something happen, not for me but for a special little girl who has taught me the true meaning of God is good all the time!!

I can not say that God has always answered that pray (which was for Emma to thrive in her situation and to be happy) in the waythat I would want. No she does not walk all the time by herself, or is potty trained or is completely healed of all the medical drama in her body or able to do some other things like kids her age. But she is the happiest preschooler I know. She finds joy in everyday life, just reading a book or going outside to play is like winning the lottery for her. She laughs and plays with such pure joy that it is hard not to see God's face in her laugher. She loves people with such passion that she can make even your worst day full of sunshine when she comes around to see you.

I have seen God make the sun stand still in her life! Time has stopped! She has gone from barely able to stand to walking 25 feet at a time at least. She has been able to cast aside her wheelchair and barely uses her walker. I have seen her go to the brink of death and come back. She has been through more surgeries then birthday's but survived them all and thrived from the work done during those surgeries. And as I just kissed her good night she told me she loved me and walked off with daddy to bed, that is a miracle hard fought for. Everything I see her do is a miracle that God has given us, and as she gets older I will continue for God to make the sun stop and miracles to happen in her life. They might not come easy but He is able and Good! I just have to trust in his timing, not mine. All Good things Come to those who wait!

Just a few thoughts running in my head....

My miracle that took four years to happen! Emma walking between us!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Snow Much Fun!

We have had a lot of snow around here lately and I thought I would share a few cute photos of what we have been doing during all our snowdays from school!!
Rocking Baby

Playing Dress up

Throwing snowballs

Building Snow Castles


Such a Sweet Face
Cleaning soon to be Brother's room
Reading to baby
Peek-A-Boo Mommy
Knocking Daddy down in the snow!!
Emma and Mommy!
Such pure joy!!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Working on the to do list

I feel like I have the never ending to do list right now. Not only are we planning for the new life we are about to add to the family, but everyday life as well is busy with a special needs child. For every little item I check off, I feel like ten more are added. For example today: I got a key made for the in-laws in case they need it while we are at the hospital, bought a gift from the baby for Emma, picked up the dresser for the nursery, and worked on my registry for the baby shower. But then, I just added, cleaning the dresser, relining the drawers with shelf paper, washing baby clothes to go in the dresser, wrapping the gift for Emma and so on and so on.

My OCD/ needing to control what I can control, since life is so unpredicatable with Emma's health, can sometimes make it hard to breath. My to do list just gets out of control. I have to really make myself sit down and breath for a moment and enjoy life. Luckily lately Emma has been very demanding about us playing with her. It has been hard to make myself stop cleaning or whatever and enjoy just playing, but I always feel so happy and refreshed when I do.

So, yes my to do list is massive right now, but it will get done at some point and if it is not perfect does it really matter?? Not really, as long as my family is safe, feed and happy!! So, here is the most important points on my to do list.....

Monday, January 17, 2011

Emma's Big Sister Class

So, this Saturday we loaded up the car, babydoll in tow, and headed to the hospital I will be delievering baby Taylor Daniel at for Emma to attend Big Sister/Big Brother Class. We prayed that taking her for this one hour class, that teaches them about newborns, how to diaper on their dolls, etc and then tours them through the OB floor and postpartum floors might ease her anxiety. Hahahah...sounds of laughter:)

Lets start at the beginning. She was not to sure what we were doing when we got there but she sat in the floor with her baby and daddy behind her while the nurse talked to them. She got real excited about putting a real diaper on the baby when it came time for that,and as you can see in the following photos, she did a great job.


Then, they watched a short movie and were handed the award for finishing the class. She was so proud and she loved her pink shirt that says Big Sister as well.

Well, I was so happy that she was doing so well, that I prayed she would not freak out as we started the tour. The minute we walked down the hall towards the rooms, she started whining, then it turned to tears as we went into the Labor room to show where mommy would be and where baby would be etc. All the other kids were cool with it but not Emma. Finally Daniel took her to the hall. She then whined the whole way up to the post partum rooms on the seventh floor and really freaked when we went into the other room. She cried the whole way till we got to the nursery window and she saw the little babies. Thankful she then stopped and looked for a bit.

At one point I about how to slap a woman who finally said "What is her deal?" I said " Well, she has spent a lot of time in hospital's and is really afraid. That is why we brought her to the class". The nurse who was leading the class already knew about that and she told me later, that maybe we should not bring her when the baby was born if it upsets her that much. But we hope that if we wait till I am able to shower and put on clothes etc she will be okay, but time will tell.

All in all it was a good class and good to know that she might freak out, but hopefully if we show her pictures of the baby first she will come up to my room. It has been cute since then, she is obsessed with caring for her babydoll and sings to it and changes it. I think she will be a great big sister as soon as we leave the hospital that is:)

Me at 33 weeks and standing in the painted nursery:)

Emma and her baby on the way home.

Mommy, babydoll and Emma eating lunch after her class.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Beauty in the Everyday!

So things have been a little crazy lately, and I have been really tired and stressed about Emma's medical issues. She has really started to fight us on certain things, which has lead to hours of screaming and lots of tears. This is emotionally draining for not only Emma but us, her parents as well. We are going to have to talk to a few of her dr's and figure out what other options we have to help her that might not lead to so much screaming and anxiety. But despite all of this, I have spent the last few days thinking of how far she has come since her birth. So, I put together a few photos to show the beauty of Emma starting from this summer and going back. This is just a brief reminder to me how wonderful and far my precious daughter has come!!!

Loving the splash pad!

Trying to put her shoes on herself!

Loves to ride her ride on!

Sleeping after a hard day of play!

Talking to her baby doll while playing dress up!

Being Dr. Emma

Using her wheelchair, wow that was a while ago. She has not used her wheels in a year.

Her precious tiny hand covered in paint.

She is a lot younger in this photo, but loved the cute face still!

A year old here, loving the hayride!

Love books even at a young age!

Daddy's Brave Fan

Tiny little stroller

Her Birth

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Memory Lane

Wow today Daniel and I spent the morning with dear friends as their sweet little boy was take for his first surgery. This sweet baby is a true miracle, he was born at 24 weeks weighing just a little over one pound. He is now almost 8 pounds and is 6 months old. He is a fighter!! We were so glad we could go and sit with his parents for part of his surgery, but boy did it bring back so many memories of sitting in that waiting room waiting on Emma to come out. I can actually recall where we have sat for each surgery, the exact spot I stood at when I came out and told my in-laws Emma had stopped breathing twice in recovery, and so much more came flooding back.

I told Daniel later on the phone, (he had gone on to work) that I wished I could take the pain away from our friends. No parent should ever have to sit and wait as someone else cuts on thier child. I said we already had done it and knew the pain and that I wished they never had to join us in that group! I hated the thought of them having to kiss him good bye, watch as they wheeled him away and waiting for him to come out of surgery. My heart has been in my throat all day for these two wonderful parents. I just kept telling Daniel I wish I could make it better, but you can't, he said we can just be there to help them on the journey.

We are so thankful that as with the case of our sweet Emma, their son came out with flying colors. He was able to be taken of the vent in the OR and is back in the NICU on his wall oxygen and doing well. It will be a recovery process as he heals but they feel after about five days he will be out of pain, and then they will decided when he has part two of surgeries done. I just pray my friends are able to sleep well tonight after such a stressful day,but with such an amazing ending. Way to go B! You did it and were a wonderful trooper through it all! Thank You God for his safety and for the fact he will never remember any of today!!