Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from our family to your's!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Light a candle for me

Tonight I light a candle for a very special reason.  I am joining in a movement of light for all those families who have sufferend some form of pregnancy or infant loss.  1 out of 4 women suffer a miscarriage and I am one of them. A little over two years ago, I rejoiced with my husband and family, that we got pregnant, my heart was overflowing with joy.  I was carrying another little baby and could not wait to welcome them into our family.  At my first appt, I mentioned a few pains, so she sent me on to have a quick check on ultrasound, and my husband and I were thrilled to get a peak of our little one.  The clerk told us nothing and proudly sent us home with our pics.  However, a few hours later, as I stood alone in my kitchen, I got a phone call I will never forget.  It was my OB's nurse calling to inform me that they believed that the baby was not going to survive, it did not apear healthy and growing at the correct rate for my date, but they would give me a week to see what happened.  I stood stunned, my oh so happy day, just turned to a dark day.  I barely was able to call Daniel and squeak out what the nurse said.  I was sobbing over what could be happening. 

I honestly do not remember much of those following days, as I prayed and prayed to have the Lord heal my unborn child.  I also tried hard to get through the day with my then almost 4 year old.  The day arrived of the next appt, and we could see right away on ultrasound that the baby had passed.  The poor lady who was doing it, she quietly confirmed it and then left the room for us to gather ourselves.  I clung to Daniel sobbing and our tears mixed together as reality hit, our sweet baby was now an angel.  I remember being taken the  back way to my OB's office and her trying to get us to schedule the next steps.  I just wanted to crawl into bed and never get up.  My heart was breaking and so was my sweet husband who was trying so hard to be strong, but his heart was breaking as well. 

The days that followed were hard, as we told the few family and friends who already knew of my pregnancy, I had started to share since I was around 10 weeks.  I also had to go in for a D&C which was heartbreaking.  I was just lucky to have such wonderful support of my husband and family.  Without my mom, especially, I think I would have just crumbled during those days.  I really dont have many memories those first few days following the loss, besides crying and crying and crying in the shower.  I never wanted Emma to hear me. 

Those weeks and months following were hard.  My heart felt broken, and my body was going through major changes as it shifted back to non pregnant.  I was just a mess.  Slowly I was able to move forward, but the pain is still there.  I wonder often what the baby would have been a girl or a boy?  Etc etc.  I cling to the hope that when I get to heaven the baby will be waiting for me to hold and love.  Till then I know my family that has gone to heaven before me is loving on them and helping the baby know their parents love them. 

So tonight I light a candle and break my silence and share my story in hopes that someone out there realizes they are not alone.  The pain is real and never leaves.  Just because we did not give birth and hold them close, does not make them less of our baby.  I loved the baby I lost from the moment I realized that I was pregnant and rejoiced with Daniel of our love growing inside me.  He or she will always be a part of me and I know that someday my family will be complete.  Till then I honor the baby I lost by being the best mom to their siblings.  I may be a mom of two to most people but I am really a mom to three and love them all today and everyday. 

Tonight I light a candle and ask you to do the same!  Love to my angel baby, mommy and daddy love you more then words will ever express!!  We miss you and long to hold you in our arms!  Tell Jesus hey for us!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Disney on Ice

On Sunday we were able to take the kiddos to Disney on Ice.  We normally can not really swing this type of program without being given the tickets, but thanks to Emma's Girl Scout discount and Taylor being free we decided to spend the money and celebrate Fall break at Disney on Ice.  Aunt Nay got Emma her Tinkerbell costume for Halloween early for her to wear it and I made Taylor a Mickey Mouse Ghost tshirt to wear.  The kiddos were so excited and to be truthful daddy and I were too. 

The seats we had were six rows from the ice and we were surrounded by good friends and their kiddos which made it even more fun.  We could see everything going on and it was so neat to be that close to the action.  Taylor was not so sure at first but when he saw Mickey Mouse he started having fun, Emma was soaking it all in and smiling the whole time.  However when Tinkerbell came out she screamed and got so excited.  I loved seeing her face and how it shined with the wonder of seeing the show.  The second best part was hearing Taylor flip out after intermission when Mickey came back out and he threw his hands up and squealed so loud people all around us to laugh at him. He was so excited!!! It was worth the money and the hike in from the parking lot my hubby parked us in:)  Whew my arms hurt for two days from carrying them. 

Here are some great photos from our special night out at Disney on Ice, great memories for all of us! Wonderful night!

 Mickey Mouse
 My sweet Tinkerbell
 Love her toothless grin
 my loves
 he steals my heart daily
 I want that please daddy!
 Me and my man, Emma took this of us
 look mom it is TINKERBELL

 OMG it is Mickey Mouse
 snack time

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Another last first, mommy is sad!

This is a long overdue post about my sweet boy, Taylor. 

He is now a few weeks past 18 months, haha oops missed that post.  He weighs a little over 25 lbs, and is around 32 inches tall.  He wears 18 month pants, 24 month shirts, size 5 shoe, and size four diaper.  He is so funny and so happy most of the time.  He cracks me up, when he wants something he comes and pulls on my hand till I come, or he backs up and sits on me if he wants held.  I love when he does that!

 He understands so much now and is adding words very fast.  He says so much, but my favorite new saying is "I'm stuck".  He says it when he climbs on his footstool to get his tooth brush.  He begs to brush his teeth all the time and carries his toothbrush around as much as we let him.  I hear teeth teeth all the time.  I love that he is able to help clean up some now, he likes to carry laundry to the washer, he throws his diapers away too.  Emma and him are able to play a little more together and love to build blocks, play kitchen and chase each other around the house. 

He is really enjoying staying with my mom a few hours a week while I work a little too.  He also got to stay with a dear friend Ms. Jessica two days while Meme tried to put her flooded house back together.  He just likes to be out and about!  Mostly he just wants outside to play in the driveway, where he throws the ball down it to watch me run after it. 

Today, we sadly had a major first, he had a haircut.  He was getting a mullet and his hair was in his eyes, it is still thin, but we had to cut it.  He got really fussy, but after the sucker was handed to him things started looking up.  I cant believe we cut his sweet baby hair.  Emma was three before we had to cut her's so this is a major shock to do it so soon with Taylor.  It makes me sad to realize just how close he is to not being a baby anymore, he really is a toddler not a baby:(  BOOO!!  I miss my sweet nursing baby boy!  Where did the time go??  OH how I want to stop the clock and just sit and hold him forever.  I think it is harder knowing that more then likely he is my last baby and it will be my last first haircut. 

Here is a few cute photo from today's big first!!

 My car that broke down on the way to get the first haircut
 Waiting on Daddy to come rescue us!
 beeping the horn while daddy called the tow truck
 in comes the sucker
 bye bye mullet
 could you not just eat his sweet face up??
 big boy
fresh new do's for them both