Big Girl Now!!

What a week! This past Friday we bought Emma a toddler bed at a yard sale. It is white wood and so cute. It has a few scratches but nothing big. Emma loves it! The first night was rough though. She got out of it and was in the middle of her room at two a.m. I heard her and went in there and she just smiled, like looked what I can do now. Her feet are able to reach the floor when she gets to the end and she scoots off onto her bottom, just for your FYI of how she gets out. (that is why we bought a toddler bed instead of a twin, they are lower to the floor). Then, she decided she did not want to sleep and stayed up for over an hour staring at me, while I sat in the floor and did the Nana 911 one method of sitting in the room, but not looking at the child. At three when Emma was still not sleeping, I gave in a put her in her crib and let her cry it out. She lasted a few minutes and then gave in to sleep. However, the last four nights she has sleep all night in her bed. She does still wake up for water and a diaper but she goes right back to sleep in her big girl bed. She has not fallen out yet, but we have caught her with her legs almost off the bed, but she was asleep. So we have adjusted well to a big bed with no sides. (well it has small sides on the head part). I am even now able to sleep okay and not jump up every time she rolls over to see what she is doing.

Nap is still not going well in the toddler bed, but I am not giving up. Emma is not a fan of napping right now anyway. I think I will make Daniel take the crib down now and just have her toddler bed in the room. Finally One less baby item:) Sad but a great moment for us all as she is finally able to do more things like her peers.

She is doing great with her crawling. She really likes it now. It is still weird to see her on her hands and knees and not just her bottom scooting. She still scoots on her bottom more then crawl, but she is still crawling. It is odd to have a much more mobile child, after all this time with her not so mobile. I love it all though. She is really pulling up more and more too. She is so close to pulling up to stand by furniture. Right now she can only get into tall kneeling, but that is great too!!

We meet with her school to start getting to know each other and working out issues we will face. Emma got to meet her teacher and her classmates too. They told the children about her chair and they all told her their names. Then, Emma got to meet the art teacher that comes twice a week to do art with the kids, and she sat in on part of a music class too. They get music, art and chapel once a week as well as their classroom activities. She loves her school already and I pray she still likes it when we leave her there:) I am a wreck about it but so excited too. I just keep telling myself, that it is only on MWF from 9-12. I will survive and Emma will thrive.

My sweet little baby is getting so big! Mommy is wishing for those days of bottles and sweet little snuggles. Luckily she still gives snuggles once and awhile, when you can get her to slow down for a few minutes.

So many changes but all good and well past time! My little angel!

Rachel

working it out

I am picking up more and more hours at the Library I work at. I am loving working in a job that involves books and is near home. It is actually the library that my mom's best friend started many years ago. I use to volunteer there as a child and have many memories of being there with her. She passed away before Emma was born and I miss her everyday. But being there is like being in her presence and following in her footsteps.

Anyway, I am loving learning the ins and outs of how to catalog books and so forth. It is a lot more work then I ever dreamed off. However, Emma is having a hard time with mommy being gone. I am never gone for more then 7 hours but to her it feels like forever. Luckily my parents, his parents or Daniel have her at all times. But she always wants to know "where mommy go?" (one of her first sentences by the way) I hope she learns to adjust to me being gone, but it has been rough so far. Even though her grandparent spoil her while I work:) Lots of McDonald's and Barney:)

To me working the ten or so hours a week is helping my self-esteem so much. It allows me to step away from just being mom and be Rachel for a few hours. I also get to take a step back from all the stress of her medical conditions causes and I get to focus on something else for awhile.

Do not get me wrong I love being a stay-at-home mom and would not trade my time at home with Emma for anything, but it is nice to get awhile for a few hours. I mean I only work for about 10 hours a week at the most right now. PLus, a few of those Emma is with me for storytime:) This is good for me and Emma since she will be in school in the fall three days a week and she needs to be use to leaving me for a few hours, since right now she is always with me which is the way we like it:) Emma and me against the world.

Please pray she adjust soon and stops yelling at my husband to go get mommy:)

Rachel

New and Old Friends

Yesterday I got to spend a lot of time with some old friends and new friends. It was a great day and I feel so refreshed from my time with friends.

First I got to eat lunch with my friend Kate, who I meet at Lipscomb when we were in college. I had not seen her in almost 7 years, but it was like no time I had passed when we got together to eat lunch and reconnect. She is now a nurse on the cancer ward at Cincy Children's. I am so proud of her and glad to have found her again. Emma loved talking to her and coloring with her too.

Then, last night I got together with some Mom's in my neighborhood, for a mom's night out. We snacked and talked at my friends Adrienne's house. We had some great drinks, snacks and awesome converstations. We shared news about our kids, tips on different issues, husbands, excersise, and so much more. It was after 11 before we all headed home. I left feeling so refreshed and ready to take on mommyhood again. Thanks ladies for a great night away.

Love and prayers
Rachel

So Smart

My little daughter makes me laugh all the time. She is so funny with her looks and facial expression, and she never forgets anything. This morning I was rushing around trying to finish getting me and Emma ready to leave for Story time. I had left Emma singing to Barney on my bed. I came back in and she had gotten inside my purse and gotten her handicap placard and was talking to it. Then, when I came in the room she told me that it was suppose to go in Meme's car. (we had used it with her car yesterday) Then, when we left she carried it to my car under her arm singing all the way. She is so smart!

Yesterday we took her application to her preschool, Emma wanted to get down and join right in. She just loves other kids!! She is so excited to start school in the fall. I am too! I might change my mind in the fall, but right now I am looking forward to picking her lunch box out, her backpack, and her outfits. However, I am sure when the day comes I might what to drive right by and keep her with me forever! I just keep telling myself it is only three days a week.

Emma has been in a great mood lately and is loving to be outside and playing. She squeals and laughs the whole time. She also loves to "run" with her daddy to the park!

I just love my little one and am so proud of how far she has come lately. She is talking so much more, standing longer and is even starting to cruise a little around furniture. So much going on with my little one and I am just along for the ride. Gotta run little one is awake!

Rachel

A First

Yesterday a decided to run a few errands with my sweet little Emma despite the overcast day. We had to run to Bellevue to go to Michael's (my favorite store) and the grocery store too. Emma and me had a blast shopping at Michael's and we great some great buys on presents for the family. Emma asked to go see the birds at the pet store nextdoor so we did that too. She loves to see the birds and other animals. By this time it had started to sprinkle but we headed to the grocery store anyway.

As we pulled in I remembered that I had put her brand new handicapp placard in the car, and decided to use it for the first time. It was so werid to put it in the window and pull into one of those parking spots. It was a hard decision to get one in the first place, she is in a wheelchair and does not walk, so we got one. She has gotten so big and hard to carry all the time and we thought it would help me from killing myself carrying her. However, it still seemed werid to use it. I wondered if people were thinking what is this young women doing getting out of a two door Honda with a baby doing parking in a handicapp spot.

It was so nice for me to use it though. I was able to move her in and out without hurting myself. I guess I will just have to get use to using it and not worrying about what people are thinking.

So, for the first time I used her handicapp parking. Werid but helpful

Rachel

I need to rant for a moment

Okay I feel the urge to rant for a minute, and this feels like the best place to do it. So bare with me for a few moments.

I am sitting her right now watching my adorable daughter playing in the floor and watching her favorite Barney. She is talking and singing and so very happy and content. You would never know she is so very ill and so medically fragile right now. Or that I might have to start holding her down four times a day to empty her bladder out for her.

I am feeling so angry right now that my happy little girl will have to start such a process and that this is forever for her. I have so many questions swarming in my head about what this will mean for her and all of us. I just want to scream at the moon or something right now. I know God is in control but I currently am angry at His path. Why should such a sweetie suffer so much? Why??? I really wish someone could give me an answer right now for that.

I love my big girl so much and I just wish she could just be a kid and not a kid with medical problems. I wish our only big problem of the day was which park to go play at?

There you have it, I am angry and very confused right now. I know it will pass but for now I want to scream and fight!

Rachel

How much more can I take?

I am not sure how much more I can take right now? Emma is my life and I feel that we can not get a break for her. We know are dealing with major bladder problems. WE found out today that she is not emptying her bladder and that is why we have had all the infections. So, know we decide which of the two options we have been given we choose. Neither is great but we have no choice we have to pick one.

I am so sad for my little angel. I just wish one thing was easy to fix or not a major life change. But no such luck. So, know I will have to figure out how to make this normal for her and us as well.

We are so sad right now and in shock, but I am sure at some point we will pick ourselves up and move on in some form. However, with each time we are knocked down medically with Emma it takes her Daddy and me a little longer to pick ourselves up. All of these decisions are weighing so heavy on us and so much is going on right now it is all a blur. Between this medical problem and her school stuff i really just want to run away or scream really loudly. Or maybe sit down and cry for a little while. I think her daddy and me will have many tearful nights as we talk this out and decide.

Calgoon take me away!

Rachel