Which Way is UP??

I am in a valley and wonder which way is up and out of this deep valley??

I seem to be caught up in my own head right now. I have so many thoughts going on, that I can not make sense of where to go from here. So many things have happened in our lives lately and we are not sure where we need to go next??? Then, the historic flood hit last week and wow does it bring new perspective to life. I am so grateful for a house over my head and a dry place to lay my head at night. I am so thankful that even though many friends lost it all, they are all physically safe. Watching water flood streets near my house and cover houses, cars, and mailboxes, hearing my mother tell me three houses near them were swept away with the flood water, not being able to reach my parents by car for three days, losing power and everything in my fridge and freezer in a two day span, not knowing when we would be able to get out of our area or get to ice, milk or food, and seeing the pain on friends faces as they found out their house was half underwater, is something you will never forget or come out of unchanged. Then, helping friends gut their house of everything they own and driving down streets full of people's stuff they lost, is moving and life changing. I appreciate everything we have so much more and am trying daily to find ways to help those people.

So between the very personal crisis/situation my husband and I are trying to struggle through and the flood of 2010, I am not sure where to go now??? I feel like I am wondering in the desert with no water in sight. Yes, I know God is in Control not me, but I can not hear Him just yet. I just feel like I am drifting waiting for something to happen to make sense of all going on.

I wonder who I will be when I come out of this valley and finally make it up?? But I still do not know which way is up.. not yet anyway.

Emma's First Race

My Child may not walk





But she can run!

She may not talk



But she can start a race!


She might be a little bit slower then her friends




But she always finish's her race!

She is tiny and has to do things her own way,






But we love her for her being her and that is all that matters to us! We are so proud of you Emma, for finishing your first race and for being a great Master of Ceremony for your school. It was a day we will never forget! Thanks for being you!!

Mom and dad

Long Time no Post

I think it might be time to start doing this again! Life got a little out of wack for awhile, but I think it is time to start writing again. Hopefully soon I will post about what life has been like since August. I have missed putting my feelings down on "paper"

See you soon

Worries

Okay! I admit that I am a wreck about her starting school on Monday. Those who know me should not be surprised. I am a control freak and do not like to have no control over what will happen while she is at school. I use to not be this bad, but when your child has medical and physical problems you become worse. I trust the school and feel that they will do a great job, but still it is not me or family:)

As the day gets closer I have millions of thoughts running through my head: I am worried about what to pack for lunch, will she eat it, will the other kids play with her, will she cry, will she be left in her chair on the playground and not taken to slide, how will her health hold out, will they change her diaper enough, will she be worked with, will she like her new therapist, and the list goes on and on and on. I am not sleeping well due to all the thinking.

I know that this my all seem crazy since she is only there for three hours a day. But she is my special little fighter who has faced so much in the past and I am just scared.

I am sure it all will be okay and I am losing sleep for no reason. I really do trust her new school. I am excited for Emma. I am sure she will love it all and do just wonderful. She loves kids and loves to play.

Just a little rant

Rachel

Night Time Visits

The last couple of nights Emma has been visiting us in the middle of the night. She, without making noise, gets out of her bed and scoots on her bottom all the way across our house to our room, and I wake up to her tugging on my covers. It is so werid to have her be able to get to us at night. However, it is so funny to see the smile on her face because she is so proud of herself for making it to mommy and daddy. It is a little scary though to have her wake us like that. Now, I am waking a lot to look to see if she is in our room, and I am having dreams of finding her laying on the floor in the living room asleep or something. But she willing goes back to her room with a little drink and a fresh diaper. So, far she has done this four times. I must admit that I find it funny to have her sneaking out of her room to find us.

I am also loving it since, it is such a normal three year old behavior to have her getting out of bed. That is something new for us, but I am loving this normal behavior. Yes, I am sleepy but smiling inside and out that my baby girl is so big and such a toddler.

We are having to be more careful of leaving doors open since she is getting up, but so far no injuries or messes. Just fun and freedom.

She did pull to stand beside her toddler bed from sitting on the ground. Big step for Emma and we are so proud of her and her little legs. Keep up the good work!

Love and more nightime visitors
Rachel

Big Girl Now!!

What a week! This past Friday we bought Emma a toddler bed at a yard sale. It is white wood and so cute. It has a few scratches but nothing big. Emma loves it! The first night was rough though. She got out of it and was in the middle of her room at two a.m. I heard her and went in there and she just smiled, like looked what I can do now. Her feet are able to reach the floor when she gets to the end and she scoots off onto her bottom, just for your FYI of how she gets out. (that is why we bought a toddler bed instead of a twin, they are lower to the floor). Then, she decided she did not want to sleep and stayed up for over an hour staring at me, while I sat in the floor and did the Nana 911 one method of sitting in the room, but not looking at the child. At three when Emma was still not sleeping, I gave in a put her in her crib and let her cry it out. She lasted a few minutes and then gave in to sleep. However, the last four nights she has sleep all night in her bed. She does still wake up for water and a diaper but she goes right back to sleep in her big girl bed. She has not fallen out yet, but we have caught her with her legs almost off the bed, but she was asleep. So we have adjusted well to a big bed with no sides. (well it has small sides on the head part). I am even now able to sleep okay and not jump up every time she rolls over to see what she is doing.

Nap is still not going well in the toddler bed, but I am not giving up. Emma is not a fan of napping right now anyway. I think I will make Daniel take the crib down now and just have her toddler bed in the room. Finally One less baby item:) Sad but a great moment for us all as she is finally able to do more things like her peers.

She is doing great with her crawling. She really likes it now. It is still weird to see her on her hands and knees and not just her bottom scooting. She still scoots on her bottom more then crawl, but she is still crawling. It is odd to have a much more mobile child, after all this time with her not so mobile. I love it all though. She is really pulling up more and more too. She is so close to pulling up to stand by furniture. Right now she can only get into tall kneeling, but that is great too!!

We meet with her school to start getting to know each other and working out issues we will face. Emma got to meet her teacher and her classmates too. They told the children about her chair and they all told her their names. Then, Emma got to meet the art teacher that comes twice a week to do art with the kids, and she sat in on part of a music class too. They get music, art and chapel once a week as well as their classroom activities. She loves her school already and I pray she still likes it when we leave her there:) I am a wreck about it but so excited too. I just keep telling myself, that it is only on MWF from 9-12. I will survive and Emma will thrive.

My sweet little baby is getting so big! Mommy is wishing for those days of bottles and sweet little snuggles. Luckily she still gives snuggles once and awhile, when you can get her to slow down for a few minutes.

So many changes but all good and well past time! My little angel!

Rachel

working it out

I am picking up more and more hours at the Library I work at. I am loving working in a job that involves books and is near home. It is actually the library that my mom's best friend started many years ago. I use to volunteer there as a child and have many memories of being there with her. She passed away before Emma was born and I miss her everyday. But being there is like being in her presence and following in her footsteps.

Anyway, I am loving learning the ins and outs of how to catalog books and so forth. It is a lot more work then I ever dreamed off. However, Emma is having a hard time with mommy being gone. I am never gone for more then 7 hours but to her it feels like forever. Luckily my parents, his parents or Daniel have her at all times. But she always wants to know "where mommy go?" (one of her first sentences by the way) I hope she learns to adjust to me being gone, but it has been rough so far. Even though her grandparent spoil her while I work:) Lots of McDonald's and Barney:)

To me working the ten or so hours a week is helping my self-esteem so much. It allows me to step away from just being mom and be Rachel for a few hours. I also get to take a step back from all the stress of her medical conditions causes and I get to focus on something else for awhile.

Do not get me wrong I love being a stay-at-home mom and would not trade my time at home with Emma for anything, but it is nice to get awhile for a few hours. I mean I only work for about 10 hours a week at the most right now. PLus, a few of those Emma is with me for storytime:) This is good for me and Emma since she will be in school in the fall three days a week and she needs to be use to leaving me for a few hours, since right now she is always with me which is the way we like it:) Emma and me against the world.

Please pray she adjust soon and stops yelling at my husband to go get mommy:)

Rachel